Dear Milwaukee,
Greetings from sunny California! Yes, it is sunny … and warm. I heard you got 14 inches of snow over the weekend. That’s too bad… I spent my Saturday and Sunday looking out over the ocean while lying out next to a pool. Ha ha ha ha ha. (Of course, by the time you read this I’ll be back in the tundra cursing that return part of the roundtrip plane ticket and my jackass relatives who had to settle in a cold climate.)
But since I’m in L.A., I thought I’d try to do some star-watching for you. In fact, yesterday, my r was stuck behind a Hollywood VIP Tour bus as my best friend Jenna and I drove around the hills. (Unfortunately there seemed to be no VIPs on the tour, itself. I mean come on, they could at least get Dave Coulier or Jack8Ee or the like to sit on the bus with the group and tell stories about being on the C-list in the ’80s.) So naturally, Jenna and I followed this bus for as long as we could and made up our own tour that consisted of stopping at all the same places and pretending to point out all the Hollywood houses and corners where famous actors have died and/or had crazy sex scandals. It was pretty awesome, but maybe you had to be there. We kind of were hoping A.J. Benza would appear and narrate for us, but apparently surly gossip columnists don’t just show up on command–or even if you attach a bottle of whiskey and a pack of smokes to a string and hide behind a tree on Sunset, waiting for them to take the bait.
But so far I have seen Harold of Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle and the mother of all TV douche bags … Carson Daly. And he was power-walking. And I laughed and laughed and laughed a little more. Sadly, I’ve yet to see Colin Farrell or even drunkenly make out with him in some dirty bar–which I’ve just assumed is as popular of a tourist activity as going to the Chinese Theater or posing next to the Hollywood sign.
I have yet to see any movies or shows being filmed, but I did see a bunch of vans and trailers lined up outside Griffith Park one day with one handwritten sign that said “Rockers Enter Here and another that said “Groupies Enter Here. I wanted to stop and, uh, “pretend to be a groupie but I had a feeling that they would have seen through my diaboli l plan to finally get discovered (and my lack of a SAG card).
Tomorrow I make the holy pilgrimage to Newport Beach to visit all things “O.C.” (And also be use I have already driven past the “Angel hotel a couple of times to take photos.) I might even wear my “I heart Seth Cohen T-shirt so that all the Newpsies know my level of dedi tion to their community. (Of course, the word on the street is that “The O.C.” is actually filmed in Manhattan Beach … not Newport. Oh well, at least it’s not Chino. Eww.)
What to Watch: If you’re already sick of the Super Bowl, consider watching Animal Planet’s “Puppy Bowl” on Feb. 6. It’s supposed to show all day but I still plan on taping it so I n watch the puppies frolic over and over and over again. Be use you really can’t find anything cuter than a room full of baby dogs.
And if you didn’t know already … my hunky, future make-out dude, Colin Farrell, will be guest-starring on “Scrubs” over the next few weeks. Plus, the show is really funny and well-written and better than any other sitcom on TV right now so you should watch it and tape it and watch it again.
What to Avoid: “The Bachelorette” is pretty God-awful. I mean have you really listened to what this woman has to say? I have shoes with more personality … I’d like to personally thank Jennifer Schefft for simultaneously sending the women’s movement back 35 years, and bringing American mediocrity forward by at least ten.
(From January 27, 2005)
